I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize