she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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