I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
