Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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