watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
