Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
