If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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