That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
