Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont even know how to be here
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
