This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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