its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
