I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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