Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
