it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
