my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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