she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
