tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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