Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
