he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
