i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
