He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
