I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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