oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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