do herpes really smell.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
