she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
