dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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