That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
