Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
