I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
