Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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