We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
