Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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