just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
