It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize