I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
