Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
