Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
