And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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