when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
