i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
