Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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