So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
