pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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