just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
