I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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