That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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