I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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