who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
