i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
