don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
