He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
