Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
