It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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