I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
