we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
