Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
