atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
