I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We left the knife in your bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
