i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
