Im at strip club and am horny
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
