Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
